When life gets rough it can have the effect of wearing you down. I’ve heard analogies of sandpaper, being sand-blasted or being caught in a sand-storm. However you phrase it, it seems like the end result (or the silver lining) has something to do with being refined or that the rough edges are smoothed off.
To me, it feels more like being cut down to size or chopped at the knees. It doesn’t always feel like a good thing.
People try to assure me in the end the difficult process will have been worth it. The pain is temporary, the product is what lasts.
This past Sunday at the Loft, I shared that I pray much smaller prayers than I used to. I used to be very focused on two things:
- personal holiness and piety
- spiritual warfare in the heavenly realms
The problem that emerged for me is that the gap between little ole’ me and the massive cosmos became too large. I was missing that connective layer between my personal goodness and the ‘principalities and powers’ in spiritual realms. ‘Personal piety’ and ‘spiritual warfare’ are probably fine on their own. For me, however, the gap between them became too wide and I fell through the cracks.
I have never stopped praying – but the way that I pray is a little bit different. I now pray small prayers to a big god.
There is a god and that god – by the very nature of being god – can handle god’s self and take care of the types of things that god would be concerned with. Prayers aren’t so much focused on my goodness or on angels and demons anymore.
Prayer allows me to make my self available to the good things that god has and to align myself with what god might be doing. Aligning myself is done in the hopes that I might be the kind of person that god could use in the world. I ask god’s spirit to examine my orientation, trajectory, and speed as I recalibrate my journey.
I jokingly call these small prayers ‘nuclear prayers’. It is a funny play on words because in a post-holocaust world where we now know that humans have the ability to commit atrocities on a massive scale and to blow up the whole planet … one needs to be a little more humble about one’s prayers and their power.
My prayer life has changed a lot in the last 10 years. I now pray small prayers to a big god.
That is a part of my story … How has your prayer life changed in the past 10 years?