Day 12: The Voice of God in Others

I wonder if it less about difference, per se, and more about format. For years I barely read any contemporary Christian writings. Instead, I read mediaeval Christian writings (Bernard of Clairvaux, Thomas a Kempis and the like). The reason for this was their difference. They sat outside of the domains and debates of contemporary Christian culture. Also, their biases and blind spots were definitely not mine nor those of anyone I knew. Through their difference I found a critique of my own biases and assumptions. Not that I always demurred but the wrestling helped me to grow. But the response to someone in front of me is less intellectual and much more visceral. Difference of behaviour or appearance or ethnicity evoke, I think, pre-concious response that shape our thoughts and emotions before we get round to thinking about it in any deliberative fashion. For me, the factor that triggers my emotional responses more than any other is smell. I respond accutely to the smells of spaces and people and that emotion affects my response to those people unless I stop and think about it. I wonder, then, if it is the 'format' of the difference rather than the fact of a person's difference that matters more.

One thing bugged me about this chapter, and it is because of my sensitivity to the issue of mental illness.  I'll preface this by disclosing that I have an immediate family member that has struggled with a serious mental health issue for almost 20 years, and that in addition to being involved in advocating for my family member in her treatment and recovery processes, I've also been involved in mental health advocacy and family education volunteer work.  So this is kind of a hot-button issue for me.

**Spoiler alert, if you haven't read the chapter**

In Chapter 12, Tony tells the story of Harry, a homeless man who seems wise and profound, but who also tells stories about knowing famous people that lead Tony to believe Harry is "crazy."  In the end, Tony learns that Harry in fact used to be a professional actor, and actually knows all those people.  And Tony takes away from this a realization that he misjudged this man...that just because he was living on the street Tony assumed that there was no way he could have known all these famous people.

Although there's nothing wrong with that lesson, Tony's retelling of the story leaves the implicit impression (at least to my reading), that if it turned out that Harry were mentally ill and really didn't know all those people, then of course every statement he had to make on any topic would be invalidated.  In other words, that we don't have to worry about giving any credence or consideration to "crazy" people.  I just want to say that people suffering from mental illness are still worth listening to, and Tony's story (perhaps unconsciously) sort of implies that they aren't.  

I don't think the Christian community, in general, handles mental illness all that well.  Since my family member had her first psychotic break, we've dealt with 5 different local pastors.  Although all of these pastors were very diligent about hospital visitation (and in fact visited me and my relative when we were hospitalized for operations and other medical problems), only one of them ever visited my family member during one of her many psychiatric hospitalizations.  A lot of people in our faith communities who were very helpful and caring during other types of health and family crises kept us at an extreme distance during turbulent periods in my family member's mental illness.   A lot of ministry and outreach programs seem to specifically exclude people with mental illnesses...I think this may be partly due to concerns about liability, but I'm certain that it is also at least partly due to extreme discomfort with the whole issue.

Anyway, that's a perspective I hadn't seen anyone else bring up, so I wanted to share it.

First, this book is changing me, deeply.  And for that, I thank you.  

This story has been on my mind because of a woman I met recently named Pat.  Pat shows up at several Bible studies and groups at our church but never a worship service.  She's about 60, probably homeless, a petite black woman, with one of the most stunning bone structures I've ever seen. A truly beautiful woman. And Pat is a poet.  Everyone knows it, because she tells everyone...constantly.  No matter what is being discussed, Pat will offer up, "I wrote a poem about that once. It's called ______." I've always thought Pat was a little crazy.  

A couple weeks ago, a group of women were all introducing themselves to one another in a newer small group discussion.  When it got to Pat, she stood up, walked to the center of the room and announced, "I'm Pat and I have a poem to share with you all."  I thought, "Oh lordy, here we go..." and was preparing a recovery in my head.  But much to my amazement, Pat is a poet.  An amazingly insightful and talented poet.  She's shared more with me since then, and when Pat says, "I wrote a poem about that once," it's because she has.  About real, raw things that actually matter.  I've been captivated by her. 

Last Saturday, during a meeting of the same group, I noticed several times that Pat was muttering to herself, sometimes looking like she was arguing with herself.  And I thought, "See, I knew she was crazy." But thanks to your story, Tony, I caught myself and realized that I was so quickly ready to put Pat in that box and move on.  Not necessarily walking away from her, physically, but definitely writing her off as not having anything of value to offer.  But "crazy" or not, Pat is still a poet.  A wonderful, beautiful, talented and insightful poet, and I'm so thankful for Tony's message that is reminding me to hear the voice of God in unexpected places.

Hey Bo,

I was at the retreat this past weekend, thank you for your message. My brother in-law invited me along, I'm glad he did.  I don't attend the church where the retreat was held and as you attested it is a very diverse group in that assembly.  They seemed to range from 80 plus year old to teen years.  The tattoos also were diverse ranging from military service statements in the older folk to the free-for-all tribal style ink in the younger groups.  As I looked around it dawned on me I was in the middle range of all these men and indeed how do you bridge the gaps?  

It is through love and listening.  I am still working on the fact that I can actually learn something from a younger person who has less life experience than I do, but my son and his friends have really opened my eyes to that experience.  

I find it easier to listen attentively to an older more seasoned person, they have been there and done that in fact - everything wrong twice.  If they've made it this far a long in life there must be something positive to what they are saying to me and I take heed.

As you pointed out this weekend we are always "Crashing In The Middle" of someone's story and we need to remember that as we go through our daily walk with God and his Word.

Interesting in the chapter how Tony discounts Harry's message because Harry is too crazy - seemed like he could have accepted it until Harry seemed too crazy - then it proves out that Harry's wildest claims are true - but by then he is full on back out on the street.

Is Jesus' message not crazy? Does God not tell us that Her ways are not our ways?

We had a small discussion group going in our congregation, and one lady was emphatic about what God's voice was telling her to do - why did we not hear it. One of the older and wiser present, not me, suggested it was quite possible that she was the only one that needed to hear that.

By which I mean that so much in the world needs doing, and there are so many hands that need to be turned to the task. Is the One who is inviting each and all not reaching out to us in diverse ways? @Patrick Frownfelter is right on the money in describing how we make our own experiences /thoughts /insights king, but that is a tad lacking in humility, when we pause to look at it.

Taking it back to the level of parenting, the greatest way we can love our children is just to spend time with them - we don't have to give big gifts, we don't have to teach big lessons, we just be with them and talk, play and listen on their terms. My wife, with a background in education, calls this respecting the child. @BoSanders dad spoke of a similar respect in his podcast interview, when it came to pastoral care.

Once we have been trained to speak, and profoundly believe we have something to share, it can get hard to listen.

One of the big problems for me is the emphasis of my own experience as the ultimate truth, which is a nice way of saying I often feel superior to others because of my theological education.  People have tried to tell me that they've come to spiritual conclusions because they felt the Spirit speak to them in a certain way, and while i might not have said it aloud, I inwardly would sneer at them because they "took a verse out of context" or whatever.  Even if God might have been using that person to show me Truth, I missed it entirely because of my own arrogance.  When it comes to discerning matters of the Bible, of God, or what God might be saying in our lives, He's often not going to be speaking to anyone louder than ourselves because we want to think that WE hear God clearest.  One of the big problems with individualism is the fact that the individual experience is king, and no one can tell us otherwise.

I love this post. The ultimate way of showing love is trying to see the other's experience, I think. It's so difficult to bridge the gap partly because of our own self-loathing and the ways we don't extend grace to ourselves. If we can't give it to ourselves, can we give it to others very well? I really don't think so. Lately I've been thinking that when Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself, he meant to love yourself as much as your neighbor, and he wants us to love ourselves, and our neighbors, a lot. Anyway, thanks for talking about this.