Divinity School Application for Liberals
Beginning term: [_] Fall [_] Spring [_] Summer ___ [_] Other?
Indoctrination: [_] Master of Divinity [_] M.Div./MA Counseling [_] M.Div./JD
[_] M.Div./MBA [_] Certificate Health and Spirituality [_] PhD [_] DMin [_] Exploratory
Personal Information
Imposed Name: ____________ Patriarchal Name: _________________
Real Name: ____________
Are you a citizen of the American Empire: ______ Why:_______________________________
Where the Federales Deliver Your Documents______________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________
Phone: (home) ______________ (cell ______________ Email:_________________________
Blog:_________________________ Facebook:___________________ Twitter:___________
Institutions of Past Indoctrination and / or Liberation
Undergraduate
School: ___________________________________ Location: _________________ Years Attended: _______
Degree: Yes / Not a meaningful concept. Major(s): __________________ GPA? ____
List all the good you did, including marches, protests, speeches, and sticking it to the man: __________________________________________________________________________________________
Ever suspended, dismissed, or arrested? Yes / hell yes / not yet
List all other schools through which you passed on your pilgrimage to your true self:
School: ___________________________________ Location: _________________ Years Attended: _______
School: ___________________________________ Location: _________________ Years Attended: _______
Specialized Training or Skills, especially in useful areas (organic horticulture, interpretative dance, deconstruction of metanarratives, making tea, guitar, etc.) _______________________________________________________________________
Perceived experiences of what some term “work”:
What did you do?
Who paid the bills?
How did this make the world a better place?
How did you grow as a person?
Meaningful relationships?
Please provide a journal or other artistic expression of your engagement in the world.
Demographic Information (so the government knows how much money to give you)
My ancestors were oppressed by Europeans by [_] being taken from Africa in slavery [_] Spanish colonization of the “New World” [_]colonization of Asia [_] conquest of the Pacific Islands [_] English colonization of the “New World” [_] economic exploitation of globalization OR [_] I have benefited from the exploitation of other peoples (I’m white, but overcoming)
Gender: M/F/L/G/B/T/Q [_] Other________
Political Affiliation: [_] Democratic Party [_] Green Party [_] Freedom Socialist Party [_] Labor Party [_] Peace and Freedom Party
Involvement in Church?
[_] spiritual not religious [_] worship the goddess within [_] worship the earth
[_] oldline liberal [_] evangelical (I like the music and the gym) [_] Episcopal
What else would you like to share with us?
Did you violate any of the arbitrary norms of bourgeois society and experience confinement? Are you likely to? Are you sure? Will you be cool dealing folks who aren’t like you? Do the authorities have records of your perceived misdeeds?
Please provide us with the names of people who will write a letter telling us how wonderful you are – even though we all know it’s propaganda.
Name:_____________________________ Relationship: _________________________
Name:_____________________________ Relationship: _________________________
Will you be willing to attend most classes and do some of the reading? ______________
How did you hear about our community of seekers? [_] drugs [_] friends [_] online
[_] at the health food co-op [_] from those engaged in justice work [_] at the coffee shop
I certify that all the information provided on this application, any attached paperwork, and the attached essays are accurate and truthful even though we all know that truth is a relative term that supports the entrenched power of elite institutions and contributes to the oppression of peoples everywhere.
Signature: _____________________________________
Date: _______________
that’s hilarious… so appropriate.
well-played, my friend. well-played. you sending a copy to P. Trib?
That is great! Good Job!
Hahahaha, fantabulous and oh-so accurate
Excellent!
That made my day.
I was drinking tea I’d just made when I read this post. Now it’s all over my monitor from my unladylike snort. I love it.
WIN!!
(especially the final disclaimer on truthiness)
Whoever did this has a real since of humor and a lot of knowledge of the process. Must be a Div graduate. Really good. Tell us more. Where did this come from? Who was the composer?
“Please provide a journal or other artistic expression of your engagement in the world.” -Too true
. Was thinking about doing this one recently, but now I think I’ll go sit in my organic pepper plants and watch the storm grow while contemplating how my inability to find the employment I desire is the result of continued oppression by a system which seeks to keep me barefoot and pregnant.
Hilarious.
Oh my God. Is this the application for Iliff School of Theology? I was actually a conservative there. Why? I have Christology. And a high one at that. Oh, and I love to talk about sin. I’m a really bad liberal. I’m almost as bad of a feminist, but not quite.
Awesome. The funny thing for me though is I’m an Asbury grad and could still relate with about 80% of that… ok maybe only 70%. The Pomoishness is everywhere!
this is hilarious. I believe there are some people (maybe a goodly number) who would love to attend a Divinity School like that especially some who already have a M. Div.
Hmmm….that looks a little familiar. I think that I’ve filled that one out before.
HA!! Yes. Thank you.
That reshaped the horizons of my morning.
Not suite sure how I came across this – certainly interesting.
I think after a few minutes I’m figuring that this is talking about people that are very liberal, to the extent that don’t actually believe in Christ. Just at first I thought you were labelling, you know, what people call Emerging, such as Rob Bell, as the kind of people that this would fit. Just seemed like you were saying that all people that are ‘left wing’ or attend coffee shops are ‘liberal’, and that all ‘liberals’ do drugs , have a criminal record and never do work. Like I say I think I missed the point slightly, but just wondered. (Also this might just be a blog intended for people who know you and what your sense of humour is like, which obviously doesn’t include me).
Bit of a random comment I know!
This is something which would persuade me to go BACK to school – something I’ve said I won’t do till hell freezes over or until my denomination is truly inclusive & welcoming, (hell will likely freeze first).
Hilarious!
Hilarious!
Now, that’s a Real Tripp!
LOL – I’d add something about having to sign a pledge of conduct where you will promote tolerance to all peoples and expel those who will not abide by this code of conduct. And under religions let us not forget Unitarian, UCC (Unitarians Considering Christ), Wicca, and Buddhist – met all when I was at Yale Divinity School. Great job!
Ha! This is too funny. I must share it liberally.
Hilarious. A number of these were pretty spot on too, which made it even more fun…
“Are you a citizen of the American Empire” – So sad, but so true…
I’d have to mark “not yet” in terms of being arrested (I am no Martin Luther King, Jr. – unfortunately)
Too bad there wasn’t an option under “demographic information” for my peeps (Anabaptists): “hunted down and slaughtered by conservative Protestants and Catholics in the name of Christ.”