Divinity School Application for Liberals….don’t laugh too hard.

Divinity School Application for Liberals

Beginning term: [_] Fall [_]  Spring [_] Summer ___ [_] Other?

Indoctrination: [_] Master of Divinity [_] M.Div./MA Counseling [_] M.Div./JD

[_] M.Div./MBA [_] Certificate Health and Spirituality [_] PhD  [_] DMin [_] Exploratory

Personal Information

Imposed Name: ____________ Patriarchal Name: _________________

Real Name: ____________

Are you a citizen of the American Empire: ______ Why:_______________________________

Where the Federales Deliver Your Documents______________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

Phone: (home) ______________ (cell ______________  Email:_________________________

Blog:_________________________ Facebook:___________________  Twitter:___________

Institutions of Past Indoctrination and / or Liberation

Undergraduate

School: ___________________________________ Location: _________________ Years Attended: _______

Degree:  Yes / Not a meaningful concept. Major(s): __________________ GPA? ____

List all the good you did, including marches, protests, speeches, and sticking it to the man: __________________________________________________________________________________________

Ever suspended, dismissed, or arrested? Yes / hell yes / not yet

List all other schools through which you passed on your pilgrimage to your true self:

School: ___________________________________ Location: _________________ Years Attended: _______

School: ___________________________________ Location: _________________ Years Attended: _______

Specialized Training or Skills, especially in useful areas (organic horticulture, interpretative dance, deconstruction of metanarratives, making tea, guitar, etc.) _______________________________________________________________________

Perceived experiences of what some term “work”:

What did you do?

Who paid the bills?

How did this make the world a better place?

How did you grow as a person?

Meaningful relationships?

Please provide a journal or other artistic expression of your engagement in the world.

Demographic Information (so the government knows how much money to give you)

My ancestors were oppressed by Europeans by [_] being taken from Africa in slavery [_] Spanish colonization of the “New World” [_]colonization of Asia [_] conquest of the Pacific Islands [_] English colonization of the “New World” [_] economic exploitation of globalization OR [_] I have benefited from the exploitation of other peoples (I’m white, but overcoming)

Gender: M/F/L/G/B/T/Q [_] Other________

Political Affiliation: [_] Democratic Party  [_] Green Party  [_]  Freedom Socialist Party  [_] Labor Party  [_] Peace and Freedom Party

Involvement in Church?

[_] spiritual not religious [_] worship the goddess within [_] worship the earth

[_] oldline liberal [_] evangelical (I like the music and the gym) [_] Episcopal

What else would you like to share with us?

Did you violate any of the arbitrary norms of bourgeois society and experience confinement? Are you likely to? Are you sure? Will you be cool dealing folks who aren’t like you? Do the authorities have records of your perceived misdeeds?

Please provide us with the names of people who will write a letter telling us how wonderful you are – even though we all know its propaganda.

Name:_____________________________  Relationship: _________________________

Name:_____________________________  Relationship: _________________________

Will you be willing to attend most classes and do some of the reading? ______________

How did you hear about our community of seekers? [_] drugs [_] friends [_] online

[_] at the health food co-op [_] from those engaged in justice work [_] at the coffee shop

I certify that all the information provided on this application, any attached paperwork, and the attached essays are accurate and truthful even though we all know that truth is a relative term that supports the entrenched power of elite institutions and contributes to the oppression of peoples everywhere.

Signature: _____________________________________

Date: _______________

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28 comments
Jeffrey Pugh
Jeffrey Pugh

Kind of enjoying the fact this is finding a whole new audience today. Still funny, 4 years out.

EdaUca
EdaUca

this is the best, funniest thing i've read in forever and totally beats birth control at the bottom yogurt.

drivingthoughts
drivingthoughts

Where is this school, and how do I apply to it?  Or, is this what my YDS app was really saying?  Since I filled it out like a normal application, perhaps not filling it in like the above, they didn't let me in?

KenGCrawford
KenGCrawford

That's great. I think that's how I read my app 20 years ago, though I doubt that is what it actually said.

Lisa Zahn
Lisa Zahn

I'm white, but overcoming...

Will Elliott
Will Elliott

LOL...reading this in a public place...trying not to howl. :-) "Exploratory"

Caedmon Michael
Caedmon Michael

What if I fill it in for myself? Then will you tell me what school it's for so I can apply?

Matt
Matt

That's pretty funny

Denika Anderson
Denika Anderson

I wasn't planning on going to grad school, but now I might have to.

slaveofone
slaveofone

Hilarious. A number of these were pretty spot on too, which made it even more fun... “Are you a citizen of the American Empire” - So sad, but so true... I'd have to mark “not yet” in terms of being arrested (I am no Martin Luther King, Jr. - unfortunately) Too bad there wasn't an option under “demographic information” for my peeps (Anabaptists): “hunted down and slaughtered by conservative Protestants and Catholics in the name of Christ.”

Kendrick Curry
Kendrick Curry

Ha! This is too funny. I must share it liberally.

becky
becky

LOL - I'd add something about having to sign a pledge of conduct where you will promote tolerance to all peoples and expel those who will not abide by this code of conduct. And under religions let us not forget Unitarian, UCC (Unitarians Considering Christ), Wicca, and Buddhist - met all when I was at Yale Divinity School. Great job!

Mary Ann
Mary Ann

Now, that's a Real Tripp!

Robin Blakeman
Robin Blakeman

This is something which would persuade me to go BACK to school - something I've said I won't do till hell freezes over or until my denomination is truly inclusive & welcoming, (hell will likely freeze first).

Chris Heward
Chris Heward

Not suite sure how I came across this - certainly interesting. I think after a few minutes I'm figuring that this is talking about people that are very liberal, to the extent that don't actually believe in Christ. Just at first I thought you were labelling, you know, what people call Emerging, such as Rob Bell, as the kind of people that this would fit. Just seemed like you were saying that all people that are 'left wing' or attend coffee shops are 'liberal', and that all 'liberals' do drugs , have a criminal record and never do work. Like I say I think I missed the point slightly, but just wondered. (Also this might just be a blog intended for people who know you and what your sense of humour is like, which obviously doesn't include me). Bit of a random comment I know!

John Dyer
John Dyer

That reshaped the horizons of my morning.

Carter McNeese
Carter McNeese

Hmmm....that looks a little familiar. I think that I've filled that one out before.

James Swanson
James Swanson

this is hilarious. I believe there are some people (maybe a goodly number) who would love to attend a Divinity School like that especially some who already have a M. Div.

James
James

Awesome. The funny thing for me though is I'm an Asbury grad and could still relate with about 80% of that... ok maybe only 70%. The Pomoishness is everywhere!

Nadia
Nadia

Oh my God. Is this the application for Iliff School of Theology? I was actually a conservative there. Why? I have Christology. And a high one at that. Oh, and I love to talk about sin. I'm a really bad liberal. I'm almost as bad of a feminist, but not quite.

Whitney
Whitney

"Please provide a journal or other artistic expression of your engagement in the world." -Too true :). Was thinking about doing this one recently, but now I think I'll go sit in my organic pepper plants and watch the storm grow while contemplating how my inability to find the employment I desire is the result of continued oppression by a system which seeks to keep me barefoot and pregnant.

Jo Ann W. Goodson
Jo Ann W. Goodson

Whoever did this has a real since of humor and a lot of knowledge of the process. Must be a Div graduate. Really good. Tell us more. Where did this come from? Who was the composer?

UMJeremy
UMJeremy

WIN!! (especially the final disclaimer on truthiness)

Laura
Laura

I was drinking tea I'd just made when I read this post. Now it's all over my monitor from my unladylike snort. I love it.

Kevin
Kevin

Hahahaha, fantabulous and oh-so accurate :)

Patti
Patti

That is great! Good Job!

emily
emily

well-played, my friend. well-played. you sending a copy to P. Trib?

chrissy
chrissy

that's hilarious... so appropriate.

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